Aloneness, a myth or reality?
It’s lonely at the top, is a common cry of leaders. This perception is not limited to just leaders. The fear of aloneness is common to all human beings. This fear makes us step out to build relationships, have children, get married, acquire a home, form communities.
We spend our life trying to fit in to feel stable and have a sense of belonging. In our endeavour to feel accepted and understood, we accumulate emotions of anxiety and anger because the irony of life is that all relationships and objects are transient. We are left feeling rudderless time and again. The only way we can feel anchored is by turning inwards and reconnecting with our inner self. That is our changeless and permanent reality.
I was very blessed to grow up in a stable family and home. I always looked for love and safety and was very attached to my family. When I decided to get married, it was the first time that I became aware of my fear of aloneness. On getting married, I chose to go slower in my career to give time to my home and family. My husband has been a very stabilizing influence in my life. Accepting my fear and adapting myself has helped me nurture beautiful relationships and loving family.
The fear of aloneness reared its head up again after some years, as my children were growing up and my husband was busy with his career. That insight propelled me to look for way to carve an identity independent of all extraneous factors. This search steered me to reconnect with my true identity, my inner voice. The realization that our inner voice is the key to living life to the fullest, I stepped out to share this possibility as a professional coach.
Becoming an entrepreneur made me face up to the intense dynamism of life. Constantly changing relationships, clients, economic and circumstantial scenarios cause me to feel alone time and again. Life felt like shifting sand below my feet. Floundering, I have turned inwards deeper and deeper to know my true self.
Recently, I decided to reconfigure a venture that I had passionately worked on for over a year and a half. Taking the decision to stand up for my vision was not easy. However, what I have noticed is that doing the right thing always gets you the support of those who believe in your vision.
Staying true to my inner voice, I have discovered new expressions as an author, speaker, leader and teacher. Also, the reality that all roles and identities emerge from the same whole and the path to happiness is through dancing in rhythm with the inner voice has shifted my world view completely. To live in alignment with the inner voice, I withdraw inwards when I sense the need to listen attentively to the voice. When I am ready to act, I step out and garner support to give shape to that vision.
Surrendering with faith to the inner voice, I have found the strength to confront my fears and gleaned many new relationships. Also, now I know that each relationship can only support me for a distance. I have to find my own strength to travel through this journey of transformation that has been set out for me. By embracing the abundance of love within, I can shed this illusion of aloneness and glean the richness of relationships, expressions, creativity and love.
Aloneness is a myth that grips us due to our inability to vulnerably trust our inner voice and curiously allow our potential to unleash. We get so caught up in wanting to arrive at a destination, that we forget that ultimately, life is play designed to expand our awareness. This is my Eureka moment to realize that in expansion there is no destination. Unknowingly, the noise of ‘what ifs’ has dominated my life so much that I have missed enjoying the abundance of love that exists in my life.
When we open our heart to giving and receiving love, life becomes a beautiful journey of empowerment for all. We can explore and enjoy the series of experiences and relationships that life brings along. Then, life becomes a dance of moving in and out in rhythm with the call of the voice and constantly finding our balance in the new normal.
